Listening is probably the single most important thing you can do for someone who is grieving. 

Teens who are having serious problems with grief and lossmay show one or more of these signs:

  • an extended period of depression in which the teen loses interest in daily activities and events

  • inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone

  • acting much younger for an extended period

  • excessively imitating the dead person

  • repeated statements of wanting to join the dead person

  • withdrawal from friends

  • sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school

  • lack of concentration

  • declining grades

  • over-activity, acting too busy

  • drug and/or alcohol use

  • risk-taking behavior

  • promiscuity

  • self-destructive, antisocial, or criminal behavior

  • suicidal thoughts



Caring for Yourself


Remember that grief is a normal emotion. Know that you can (and will) heal over time.

Participate in rituals. Memorial services, funerals, and other traditions help people get through the first few days and honor the person who died.

Be with others. Even informal gatherings of family and friends bring a sense of support and help people not to feel so isolated in the first days and weeks of their grief.

Talk about it when you can. Some people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. Sometimes a person doesn't feel like talking, and that's OK, too. No one should feel pressured to talk.

Express yourself. Even if you don't feel like talking, find ways to express your emotions and thoughts. Start writing in a journal about the memories you have of the person you lost and how you're feeling since the loss. Or write a song, poem, or tribute about your loved one. You can do this privately or share it with others.

Exercise. Exercise can help your mood. It may be hard to get motivated, so modify your usual routine if you need to.

Eat right. You may feel like skipping meals or you may not feel hungry, but your body still needs nutritious foods.

Join a support group. If you think you may be interested in attending a support group, ask an adult or school counselor about how to become involved. The thing to remember is that you don't have to be alone with your feelings or your pain.

Let your emotions be expressed and released. Don't stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on. Don't worry if listening to particular songs or doing other activities is painful because it brings back memories of the person that you lost; this is common. After a while, it becomes less painful.

Create a memorial or tribute. Plant a tree or garden, or memorialize the person in some fitting way, such as running in a charity run or walk (a breast cancer race, for example) in honor of the lost loved one.

Getting Help for Intense Grief
If your grief isn't letting up for a while after the death of your loved one, you may want to reach out for help. If grief has turned into depression, it's very important to tell someone like a counselor.


Will I Ever Get Over This?

Well-meaning friends and family might tell a grieving person they need to "move on" after a loss. Unfortunately, that type of advice can sometimes make people hesitate to talk about their loss, or make people think they're grieving wrong or too long, or that they're not normal. It can help to remember that the grieving process is very personal and individual — there's no right or wrong way to grieve. We all take our own time to heal.

It's important for grieving people to not drop out of life, though. If you don't like the idea of moving on, maybe the idea of "keeping on" seems like a better fit. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself to just keep on doing the best you can for now. If you feel sad, let yourself have your feelings and try not to run away from your emotions. But also keep on doing things you normally would such as being with friends, caring for your pet, working out, or doing your schoolwork.

Going forward and healing from grief doesn't mean forgetting about the person you lost. Getting back to enjoying your life doesn't mean you no longer miss the person. And how long it takes until you start to feel better isn't a measure of how much you loved the person. With time, the loving support of family and friends, and your own positive actions, you can find ways to cope with even the deepest loss.