How to Develop Good Teacher-Student Relationships We all have our favorite teachers - those who seem truly interested and treat us as intelligent beings. But what about teachers we don't know as well (or even don't like much)?
You can do lots of things to get a good connection going with your teacher. First, do the obvious stuff: show up for class on time, with all assignments completed. Be alert, be respectful, and ask questions.
Show an interest in the subject. Obviously, your teachers are really interested in their subjects or they wouldn't have decided to teach them! Send the message that you are a dedicated student.
You can also schedule a private conference during a teacher's free period. Use this time to get extra help, ask questions, inquire about a career in the subject, or talk about your progress in class. You may be surprised to learn that your teacher is a bit more relaxed one-on-one than when lecturing in front of the whole class.
Here are some things to avoid when trying to establish a relationship with your teacher:
Not being sincere. Teachers sense when your only motivation is to get special treatment, a college reference, or a job recommendation.
Trying to be teacher's pet. Your behavior will come off as phony and your classmates may start to resent you.
Giving extravagant gifts. It's OK to offer a small token of appreciation to teachers if they've been helpful to you. But flashy, expensive items could send the wrong message, and a teacher is usually not allowed to accept anything expensive.
What if you just don't like the teacher?
When it comes to working with teachers, personality can come into play just as it can in any relationship. People naturally just get along better with some people than with others - it's impossible to like everyone all the time. Learning to work with people you don't connect with easily is a good skill to have in life, no matter what your goals are.
If you feel at odds with your teacher, pick your battles carefully. Questioning a grade or asking to retake a test once is fine. But second-guessing a teacher's judgment on your grades all the time may annoy him or her. Constantly squabbling over a few points on every assignment can cause friction in your relationship.
Just as teachers need to be fair and treat everyone equally, students have responsibilities too. You don't have to like your teacher or agree with what he or she says, but it is necessary to be polite. If you need to be out of school for medical or other reasons, let your teacher know. And it's your responsibility to make up the work from missed classes. Don't expect your teacher to hunt you down or take class time to fill you in.
What to Do if You Don't Get Along
Meet with the teacher and try to communicate what you're feeling. Tell him or her what's on your mind, using statements such as, "It embarrasses me in class when I feel like my intelligence is being put down" or "I can't learn in class when I feel like only a few people ever get called on to participate." See if you can work it out between the two of you.
Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this teacher?" Even if you don't worship his or her personality or lectures, dig deep until you find a subject in which he or she is very knowledgeable. Focus on that part of the teacher's personality, and use him or her as a tool for learning. Not only will you gain more knowledge in that subject, but a closer relationship with your teacher may help you understand one another better.
Talk to students who are doing well in the class and ask them for tips, tools, and a plan of action to get along with the teacher better. Sometimes having a second set of notes can be helpful, so asking a classmate who is willing to share them with you is a great idea. If you're too shy to talk to another student, study his or her actions and behavior in the classroom and try to follow that lead.
If you still can't get along
Make an appointment with the school guidance counselor. He or she will offer many tips and suggestions for getting more out of difficult teacher relationships. Sometimes a guidance counselor can act as a mediator between you and the teacher.
If your relationship problems can't be solved in school, then it's time to tell your parents or guardians. Let them meet with your teacher and try to work it out.
Chances are that you won't encounter physical or verbal abuse (like racist or sexist comments) in the classroom. But if a teacher has done or said anything that makes you uncomfortable, immediately report his or her actions to your parents, your guidance counselor, another teacher, the school principal, or an administrator.
